The Recovery Phase: A Young Survivor

As much as I would love to have a positive report to give you, I just can't seem to find it in me right now. Let me just start off by saying I have been very fortunate in meeting some really great people through out this journey. Some are complete strangers that have reached out to share their experience with breast cancer. They all have been very helpful, insightful, and supportive as I embark on the next chapter of this journey, being a survivor.

For me, the actual fight was easy. It's life in recovery that is the toughest, and it's not just with healing but everything else that comes with the territory. First things first, the evil "T" word...tamoxifen. I have nothing good to say about this drug. None. I do not like putting anything synthetic in my body, much less one that has crazy side effects. Some of the side effects are: risk of blood clots, stroke, cataracts, bone loss in premenopausal women, mood swings, depression, hot flashes. Sounds like fun, right?! Luckily I am very lucky to to be physically healthy, so I'm not the least bit worried about the blood clots and such. However, I am experiencing the latter part of the list. I was off of it for almost 3 weeks until the oncologist told me start taking it again. I miss those 3 weeks post-surgery when I did not have to take it, as I have been an emotion wreck since being back on this hormone. I had been on it a week before surgery and experienced the same side effects, only it seems like they've gotten worse. When these moments occur, I toy with idea of just not taking it anymore. I don't feel like myself, and I don't like that feeling. I'm not one to lay the blame on stuff like this, but there just is no logical reasoning behind all this except for the hormone. I hate it. My mood swings and hot flashes are unpredictable. I don't sleep well at night, and I've been very forgetful. I. Am. Not. Myself.

Then there are the medical bills. I am very fortunate to have good health insurance, however, I still have co-payments....and they add up very quickly. There just seems like there isn't any end in sight. Again, I count my blessings as I am very grateful for not having to go through chemotherapy or radiation, as I can't even imagine the bills that come with that.

Even though I have been walking and increasing my daily activity slowly, it's not close to where I was before surgery. I'm use to being a very active individual. I miss my kids at work, I miss working out, I miss being normal. All these things make me happy. I feel like I've lost a little bit of my faith in the past 2 weeks. I had been told there is more to the journey than just the fight, but I had the slightest idea at the time. Maybe it was because I was choosing not to see what lie ahead of me, or maybe I thought I was strong enough to endure it. I honestly could not tell you now.

Yesterday, July 21, 2012 marked my 1 month anniversary of being a survivor. And what a recovery it has been.

That's all the energy I have for today. Just thought I would share a different aspect to this journey.

~Allyson

P.S. I appreciate the continued support of my avid followers. If you feel inclined to leave a comment, please do so...just make sure you sign off with your name. :)

Expansion Time

What an uplifting week it has been...literally and figuratively. I enjoyed my weekend, had a good doctor's appointment Monday, and reached a milestone Tuesday and today.

Rock'n it

My range of motion in my arms are getting better with each day. I now have about 90% back in my left arm and about 75% in my right arm. I feel comfortable enough to drive short distances, however turning the steering wheel a certain way is still a little difficult. I ventured out to the movies Friday, rested Saturday, and enjoyed the beach on Sunday. Sun and sand was definitely well needed (even if it was for only an hour), although I was quite exhausted walking back to the car from the beach as it was all uphill. I actually had to stop a couple times to regain myself. The combination of driving and going to the beach was a bit much for the body. Needless to say, I crashed pretty hard once I got home.

Monday I had another follow up with the doctor and everything checked out well! I am about 99% healed superficially, but still have fluid built up around the expanders. I guess they took my second set of drains out a day or two too early. They were able to aspirate most of the fluid from my right side, but not so much from my left side. This did not stop them from expanding me though, which I was quite excited. So, yes, I had my first expansion of 75cc. And, NO, I did not need any muscle relaxers or pain killers as the the tightness feeling was minimal. :) Because they were not able to aspirate much fluid from my left side, I have to go back in on Monday for another check-up. I think they should reserve a room just for me, since I have been there every week since May 14.

I've had a few inquiries curious about the expanders and the process. Rather than me trying to paint a perfect picture, here are a couple images of how the expanders are inserted.

The surgery is performed to expand the muscle so that there is enough breast pocket volume available to create a shapely and proportioned breast. So the expander is empty when first implanted in the muscle. I will go in every 2 weeks now to get injections of saline until I am comfortable with the size. The expander has a metal port where the doctor inserts the needle for the injections. I don't have a great photo of it, but this one will do in order to give you an idea. Because I they have metal on them, I have an identification card stating I have these implanted should I travel by plane anytime soon. Fun times. HA!

You will not defeat me!

Let's see, oh yes, yesterday I finally was able to walk up our 3 flights of stairs (twice) without getting winded! I am super excited about this as my stamina is getting better. My next goal is to walk uphill without getting winded, WHICH I know I will meet in no time. Today I walked 1 mile with the last half mile being up hill, and I was not as winded as I had expected to be. I was definitely pumped when I finished! I can't wait to get back into the CrossFit mix! Baby steps though, gotta walk before I can run.




Lastly, I want to briefly mention a great project my brother put together in order to raise funds for breast cancer research. He is a photographer and put together this calendar featuring classic cars...and girls. ;) The calendar goes through March 2013, so you still have time if you are in need of a calendar and want to support breast cancer research. Here is a sneak peak of Ms. September.

That is all the time I have for today. I hope you all have a wonderful week and even better weekend! Off to nap after that amazing walk....

XO,

Allyson

Conquering Patience While Defeating Breast Cancer

Oh JOY, I am now back on Tamoxifen. YAY! (sarcasm) I really should count my blessings, since my oncologist told me yesterday I do not need any rounds of radiation. I am declared CANCER FREE (insert happy dance here)!! Of course, I kinda already knew this from my first post-op appointment but needed to hear it from the horses mouth. I owe much thanks and gratitude to my team of surgeons for being Super Heros and clearing the margins on both tumors. So, now what?...

Well I had an appointment with both my surgeon and oncologist yesterday. First of all, I don't see any point in waiting for over an hour to see the doctor for only 5 minutes. Really? I just waited for over an hour and the only important information you have for me is "Start your Tamoxifen again, then I will see you in 3 months." I mean, couldn't it have been easier to just call me with this information?! My oncologist appointments have been this way pretty much every time I have gone. Don't get me wrong, I highly respect and trust my oncologist, but I'm sure he has patients needing more of his time than myself. I am an easy case, but I guess he just wants to be face to face with his patients. That's always a good thing!

Strength

My appointment with my surgeon also went well. The superficial layers of skin are almost healed completely, however, I still have a little fluid built up around the two surgery sites. The doc didn't seem too concerned, but she suggested I still limit movements and rest to prevent more build-up. I'm not exactly sure how much more rest I can do when all I do is rest...with limited activity. HA! Last thing I want to do is have any set-backs, so I am actually listening to my doctors. Anyhow, I did not have my first round of injections of saline yesterday. She wants to see if my body will absorb the little amount of fluid by Monday (crossing fingers!).

Kona

In the meantime, I am continuing my stretches....slowly. For some reason I have more range of motion in my left arm than I do my right arm. I try to wrap my brain around it, but there is no logical reasoning behind it. The body does what it wants it to do...obviously. I'm proud of myself for being patient and not pushing my body. Go Me! Each week I have done a little more activity to ease my body back into a routine. This week I started taking Kona outside a couple times a day. We live on the 3rd floor of an apartment building, so I am literally out of breath by the time I come back up to the apartment. Baby steps.

**Side note: I'm normally an impatient person (despite the fact I work with children with Autism), but I feel this journey has taught me patience in more ways than one. I've always had patience with the kiddos I work with, but not so much with myself. I can honestly say for once in my life, I have had the upmost patience with myself and "life" over the past 4 months. There are some things that are just out your control. You have to trust and have confidence God knows what he is doing. From the day I was diagnosed and still to this moment, I strongly have believed nothing but positiveness was going to come out of this journey. So far, I have been right.**

I wanted to take a brief moment to mention a great cause that share 2 of my passions: CrossFit and Breast Cancer. Barbells For Boobs is a 501(c)3 non-profit breast cancer organization whose mission is to provide funding through the MAMMOGRAMS IN ACTION ® GRANT PROGRAM for qualified low-income and uninsured women and men who need screening and/or diagnostic procedures in the prevention of breast cancer. This is a wonderful organization that supports a great cause, so please check out the link. My goal is to re-train my body to prepare it for the Amazing Grace Fundraiser come October. The Amazing Grace WOD consists of 30 clean and jerks at 95# (Rx weight) for time. Not sure if I will be able to do that amount of weight by October, but I hope to at least get the movement by then. So be sure to stay tuned. :)


And that's all the time and energy I have for today's blog. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! :)


XO,
Allyson

Life's Lessons: The Recovery Phase

Yep, procrastination has gotten the better of me and my mind elsewhere, thus why I haven't updated my blog in about a week. I am realizing the toughest part of this journey is the recovery phase. I am not talking about just the healing process, but everything else that comes along with the territory of recovering.

I had my second "post-op" appointment Thursday, July 5th and was ecstatic the doctor took out my last two drains! I feel somewhat normal now, although the sites where my drains were inserted are a little sore. I can actually lay on my side now and save my poor back from the stiffness of laying on it all the time. So far, there have been no detours in the healing process so my chest is coming along nicely. Both sides seem to be getting adequate amount of blood supply now. If my plastic surgeon sees fit, I may be getting my first injections of saline this Wednesday. *crossing fingers* I am still limited in movement and am only suppose to lift things weighing 5 pounds or less. I have done a good job at listening to my body and not over-stretching myself. I was told I should be able to start running again & easing back into CrossFit come August. THANK GOODNESS!

From my Family

My mom has been an angel in disguise during my initial recovery, although she flew back to Texas a week ago. Of course I miss our time together, but her help is what I've missed the most. Being thousands of miles away from family has made this journey tough, but I know God has a plan and this is where I am suppose to be. I mean, it will only make me that much stronger.

I feel so blessed to have so many caring people in my life willing to aid in my recovery. While I am not one to ask for help, I do understand and have accepted the fact I need assistance during this time. There have been some frustrating moments during this recovery process (as I mentioned in my last blog). It is very difficult for a person on the outside to understand the needs of person recovering from a bi-lateral mastectomy. I wouldn't expect anyone to fully understand, but I would expect to be listened to and my needs heard.

Love

I took some friendly advice from a response to my last blog (Thanks Mina!). I have made it clear my exact needs to my better half, and I am just at a standpoint right now. Those of you who really know me, know I am not a needy person. There are things I am comfortable with and things I am not comfortable with, and I have made sure to express these things quite clearly. I feel I am being realistic, although I am told I'm not. Sometimes when you have too many people willing to help, it is easy to pawn the responsibility off on someone else. I understand this time may be difficult for him too, but this is the only way a couple grows together. We are  suppose to be each other's responsibility & priority, not that of other people. This path was chosen for me, and the situation is what it is. I feel circumstances like this is a crutial test to any relationship. It is a good opportunity to learn more about ourselves and each other. I have faith we will get through this, but it has been a very tough learning experience thus far. On a more positive note, Trevor has learned the ways of a female's hair. Yes, he has brushed and fixed my hair...and actually did a very good job at it. The more challenging part was washing my hair. I was not able to take a shower for almost 2 weeks, only "bird-baths" to avoid infection in the drains. Looking back, I'm not exactly sure how we managed such a task but we did. Although it took 40 minutes, he did an amazing job! I think this little act of love made me fall-in love with him even more. :)

Words of Wisdom

This is just one other "thing" a breast cancer survivor deals with on this journey. It's not just about the cancer, our bodies, and doctors, but the things we go through with our loved ones and the little things in Life many people take for granted. Aside from this little bump in the road, I am beyond grateful for the people who have taken time out of their daily schedule to help me with either walking Kona, bringing me food, taking me to the movies, shooting me a quick text checking in on me, or just stopping by to say "hi". You guys are awesome and am glad to call you my friend.


I leave you all with a "card" that was mailed to me by my cousin and his family. He lives in Iowa with his wife and 3 precious little girls. It warms my heart when a child makes a "piece of art" on my behalf. I also received a very pretty butterfly bracelet! :) Hugs to all 5 of you!


XO,
Allyson

And Then There Were 2

Happy Days

My apologies for not giving an update yesterday on my first post-op appointment, but my energy level was pretty much zapped after being at the doctor's office for 2 hours. So without further ado...

First off, I have not taken a pain killer since Sunday. YES, I did say Sunday...as within 3 days of surgery. And I don't think I really needed them on Sunday but it was advised as a precautionary measure. I am still having issues with my upper back and neck area, along with a little soreness where the drains are inserted. The only time when I feel discomfort, aside from the being "milked" is when I laugh. Ok, I'm getting a little off task.

I'm Golden! 

My post-op appointment went as well as expected and both surgeons were not the least bit surprised. While waiting in my room to see the doctors, I pranced around the room admiring my body in their mirror. I told my mom and Trevor, "Man, my chest and abs look super lean! I'm ripped, and I am going to embrace this time period and love my body." Of course they just shook their heads and said only I would say something like that. :) I even shared this with the nurse who took my vitals, and she chuckled and said I had the perfect attitude. Anyway, my drains are now a clear golden color, which is ideal. Because the drainage was ideal in amount, "utters" #2 and #4 were taken out. Utters #1 and #3 are moving along nicely but need to stay in a little while longer. As for the healing of the chest, my right nipple is supposedly on track and creating adequate blood flow. As I mentioned before, my left side took the biggest beating (physically), so the nipple is still looking a little dusky. My plastic surgeon will not be adding any cc to my expanders for at least another 4 weeks, as he wants to make sure I'm healing properly. **Yep, I'm pretty much a badass warrior. I owe thanks to CrossFit for making my body so tough and strong. I cannot WAIT to knock off some PRs on the big board and knock off some fellow female crossfitters off the leader boards.** :)

Down to 2 utters :)

Now for even better news! My surgeon is basically a Super Hero. He was able to clear the margin and absolutely NO CANCER CELLS were left behind on my muscle or skin. He even admitted he had been a little nervous at the very end of the surgery but felt confident he was able to get it all. Now, I have to schedule an appointment with my oncologist to see if I need an additional treatment plan other than Tamoxifen.

Today, I met with my Complimentary and Alternative Medicine doctor. I will be starting acupuncture on my back to relieve the discomfort in my neck and scapula area from surgery. I am very excited about this integrated medicine and cannot wait to get a treatment plan in line to better my way of living. I also treated myself to have my hair washed by my stylist, and it is ah-mazing how something so simple uplifts your mood. :)

So the healing and recovery seems to be on track, it's "life" that can be a little frustrating at times. A man does not fully understand what a woman's body goes through after such a major surgery, which is expected. I am obviously mentally and physically fine, but what they (meaning a man) DON'T understand is I am not SUPPOSE to be doing a lot of things that I feel I am capable of doing for myself. Little things like opening the car door, getting my seatbelt on, dressing my upper body, carrying a plate of food, opening my prescription bottles, brushing my hair, washing my face, etc. It's all the little things one takes for granted, and the misconception I am more independent than expected. No, I am NOT fully independent. Yes, I need help with the simple everyday things. I can use the restroom by myself, dress my lower body, etc. These things don't involve me lifting my arms past a certain point. It's the nurturing aspect of life a man has somewhat of hard time understanding, mainly because it's in the genetic make-up of most women to carry this trait. I have faith in my fiance. He is a very bright man, and by observing my mom (who knows me the best as her daughter and a woman herself) he is understanding more of my needs.


I also get pretty tired easily, so any activity involving going out of the apartment more than an hour just zaps my energy, and I end up napping a couple hours afterward. I feel once my back is "fixed", I will feel a little better therefor having more energy. Until then, my mom has made sure I get the right balance of activity and rest. Trevor has been ever so gentle and trying  to understanding my body and limits a little more each day. I can't imagine how frustrating it must be on his end, but he is the perfect balance for me and knows exactly what to say to calm me in frustrating times. Sometimes he is caught between a rock and a hard spot when outside people ask favors of him, not really thinking he has a "job" of taking care of his fiance (future wife!) during this important time despite having help from my mother. It's times like this that make a couple grow stronger. I am very grateful for having my mother here helping us. We have laughed. Laughed a lot, which can be painful for me....but it's worth it. Things happen for a reason, and I feel the bond between my mother and I have grown ever so stronger. I thank her daily and let her know how grateful I am of her.

And this is all the energy I have for today. I leave you all with an ever so gentle hug. :)

XO,
Allyson

I Bleed Burnt Orange....Literally

Daisy Love

These past few days of recovery have gone better than I had expected. Despite the random once occurring bloody nose and the stingy-suction feeling from being "milked" 3 times a day, I would have to say I'm moving along quite nicely in my recovery. The most difficult part of this process is actually "needing" help. Yes, as independent as I am, I even need help at times, which can be somewhat frustrating, however, I am enjoying it too.

Let's start from the beginning, my pain has been minimal....well, I've managed to keep it under control with meds. Yesterday, I only took the pain meds twice, once in the morning and once going to bed mainly for preventative reasons. I have yet to take any today, so fingers crossed I can manage the day without any. I still feel like I've done a million push-ups and pull-ups, but it's a soreness my body has become accustomed to since joining CrossFit. The only nuance still comes from my upper back. It is still quite tight and the muscles knotted making movement a little uncomfortable. The area where my drains have been inserted is a little bothersome at times, because of the tape that is used to keep the tubes in place. I think whomever put the tubing in must have mistaken my arms for a tall man, as they are about 3 foot long...without being stretched. Which gets me into my next topic, my utters.

My Utters

Yes, I did say utters, because that is exactly what they remind me of. These "utters" have to be drained 3 times a day, and THIS is what I least look forward to out of this initial recovery period. The drains are meant to remove fluid, avoid clotting, and to prevent infection in the surgery site. I have a total of 4 drains, 2 on each side. It's actually kinda cool (in a weird medical-scientific way) how they work, but I remind you that I am infatuated with medical devices. Anyhow, these tubes are stretchy and have a rubbery grenade looking thing at the end, in which when stretched and pulled creates a suction. This suction obviously sucks the excess fluid and clots out of the surgery site. The first time I was "milked" in the hospital, the fluid was a bright clear red. The goal is that it eventually will turn a clear yellowish color. Yesterday, my fluid was almost the color of burnt orange, which I thought was the best thing ever! (For those of you who don't already know, I am a HUGE University of Texas fan! Hook'em Horns! \m/) I literally was "bleeding" burnt orange!! Surprised? Definitely not. ;) On a serious note, the fact more yellow fluid is coming out is a very good thing! It is a quite uncomfortable at times, as I can feel the suction and a burning sensation when the fluid is being pulled through the tubing to be emptied in the rubber grenade.

I Bleed Burnt Orange

I definitely have welcomed with open arms the help provided by my mom and Trevor. It has been quite tough giving up control of doing things for myself, but I have learned quickly it is ok to let others help me. I don't want to have any complications and want this entire recovery process to go smoothly, BUT I need the help of others to remind me to "slow down" and "relax". My mom has done a great job of making sure I have the right balance of activity and down time to give my body adequate healing time. Each day, I have done a little more activity than the previous day. Today, we are actually going to venture out in the car and head to support group, so she can meet the wonderful group of ladies I meet with twice a month.

Delish Paleo Cookies

Lastly, I am beyond grateful and appreciative of the thoughtfulness of some of my supporters. Your kind-hearted deeds do not go unnoticed. :)

Here's to a positive post-op appointment on Tuesday and a beautiful Monday!

Gentle Hugs,
Allyson

Victory Wounds

Lucky #4!

6/21/2012: I wake up, take a shower, and mentally prepare myself for battle. My nerves were not due to fear of the surgery, but to the shear fact my body would never be the same. How does one prepare themselves mentally and emotionally for something like this? The possible images kept playing in my head, my game face on, my nerves in check. We arrive at the hospital, I registered, and then they took me to to prep me for surgery. I knew it was going to be a fabulous day, when I noticed they had assigned me to room #4! Yep, 4 just so happens to be my lucky number, so naturally a big sigh of relief came with a smile. My surgeon eventually came to mark my chest where the incisions would take place, then soon after that I was wheeled off too surgery. I was ready to get the show on the road and take this cancer down!

I kicked cancer's butt!

Upon waking up in the recovery room, I apparently had a mild anxiety attack from pain. I surprisingly woke up within 20 minutes of being in there, so I was given some pain meds to control the pain. I was told I was a soldier for waking up so soon and, once my pain was under control, I was ready to eat. Yes, I did say EAT! Of course, they are only allowed to give you ice at that time, but I was content with that as I was quite thirsty too. They were again surprised I did not experience any nausea. Once I was taken to my room, I was given some saltines, which I tried to inhale, but made myself a little sick from trying to eat so quickly. But I was happy nonetheless I was done with surgery, and more importantly, the cancerous tumors were our of my body. I kept that smile on my face through it all! I didn't get much sleep that night, due to the fact of nurses coming in the room every 2 hours or so, or either my IV beeping to be change, but when I actually did sleep, I slept hard. By the way, the nursing staff in the oncology unit were all amazing! :)

Peace out breast cancer!

6/22/2012: I woke up to my IV beeping...again. It needed to be replaced, so being it was 4:30am, I decided to stay awake and wait for 7:00am breakfast. My mother was able to stay the night with me, so we just talked, looked over the breakfast menu, and spent quality time together (as good as it can be in a hospital). I was told I needed to be on a liquid diet to prevent getting "sick"...as in vomiting... from the anesthesia. I seriously looked at the nurse like she was nuts, but I kinda took her advice like the good patient I am. ;) I ordered apple sauce, chicken broth, 1 pancake, and water. Let me tell you, I seriously folded that pancake in half and scarfed it down like it was going to grow legs and run away. I don't even remember if it tasted good, because I ate it that fast. Same thing with my applesauce and chicken broth. I actually ordered 2 more pancakes and another applesauce. And YES, I held it ALL down without any nausea. Like. A. Warrior. Again, I surprised the nurses with my appetite. I had a delicious lunch of grilled salmon and mixed veggies. By the time I was done with lunch, my surgeon had stopped by to check on me. He was quite surprised to hear of my big appetite and how well I was doing with the nausea, and the fact I had done a good job at keeping the pain under control. I told him I am a very determined person, although I do know and realize when I need to "take it easy" for recovery purposes. So, I was discharged. :)

Two out of the four drains

So now what?! My surgery was a success, obviously. My left breast (or the lack of) took a pretty good beating, because of the size and location of the 2 tumors. The tumor located on my chest had actually grown and was pushing on my chest wall muscle and skin (but not attached to either). The surgeon felt like he cleared the margin enough, however he still sent a sample to pathology. The expanders were placed on both sides, however, the plastic surgeon did not add any saline at this time. He said I am so lean, that he did not want to put me in any more pain. My skin in pretty stretched right now, and my muscles feel like like I literally did a million push-ups and pull-ups (Who knows, maybe I did while I was under anesthesia?! lol). I do have 4 drains, 2 on each side that need to be drained about 3 times a day. This is to prevent fluid build up and infection at the surgery site. I have my post-op appointment Tuesday, June 26th. At this time, I will know more if I need some rounds of radiation, in addition to how often I will need to go in for the injections in the expanders.

As far as my mental state, I guess I was more prepared than I had thought. Upon seeing my chest for the first time, I just sighed...a BIG sigh of relief...it was done, for I have beat this breast cancer. I am the victor. I have my Victory Wounds.  :)

On another note, I wanted to share a link to a published blog on OCinSite.com. Brita's story is very inspiring, and I am honored, yet humbled, she chose to mention me in her blog. I highly recommend checking out the stories of some very inspirational women in: It's About Who You Know.

I leave today's blog with a BIG HUG to each of you who have been following my journey. Although, I still have the road to recovery ahead of me, I couldn't have to done it without the support from each of you. Stay tuned for updates, as I will be meeting and beginning treatment with a Complimentary and Alternative Medicine doctor this week. :)

XO,
Allyson